I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
