when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
