I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She announced her abortion via fbk
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
