There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
