Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
