i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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