I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
