it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
