He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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