If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
