I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
