Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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