my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
