you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
