I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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