dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
