U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
