the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
