you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
