Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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