My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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