I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
