I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
