why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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