i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
