i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
