I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
