Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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