Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sponge bath it is.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
