If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
