I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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