His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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