Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
