You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
