So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
