I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
