coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
sex in a hospital.. check
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
