I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
