so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
