She's JV to your varsity
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
