I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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