I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He better not be in your backpack
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
