p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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