I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
