hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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