she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
