i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
