Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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