Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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