She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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