I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My penis needs a shock collar
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
God, I missed his penis.
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