I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
