Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
