I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
