Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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