I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
oh god the rape fog is back!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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