drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
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I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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