U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
