It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
