i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The Olympian is in my bed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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