Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
