Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
