$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
