Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
